One of the things I am seeing is how I have been taking the wrong approach with my meditation. The more I am around the Vipassana method and perspective, I see that the Zen stoicism around pain and not moving is counterproductive for me. I admit to being suspect and actually adverse to anything that even smelled like what might be considered “soft” in the past. Today however, it is clear that while I still value the intellectual teachings in Zen above all others, I now feel as though the actual sitting perspective in Vipassana is better for faster improvement of emotional and psychological distress (suffering) and interpersonal and communication development.
This perspective embraces whatever comes up during meditation as OK, nothing is bad; it’s all food for our practice and we need to learn to work skillfully with what comes up. What more can we ask out of this life than to have issues to work on so we can become happier, and more compassionate and understanding human beings through this practice?
All of life is the result of Causes and Conditions; “this is so because of that”. When we are sitting in formal meditation all that comes up for us is the result of the interactions between these two components of the process of our existence. Everything is the food for insight. If I try to try to push things out of my awareness so I can be open to some desired insight, I am sabotaging the opportunity for growth and insight into what I really am. When we are distracted from our breath, or whatever is the focus of our concentration, we need only return to our breath after a moment of noting that we were thinking, worrying, or otherwise engaged in some fantasy or narrative. This mental diversion is not a problem; it is the process which we explore in order to find the answers to our questions. Now I see this so clearly. We actually find the answers to the questions by simply being present to what is happening in the body and mind from one moment to the next…with kindness and loving attention.
Another insight is that Vipassana, Insight Meditation, in the Theravadin school are part of the school of Gradual Enlightenment while Zen is out of the Mahayana School of Sudden Enlightenment. This is the school I found appealing at first, probably because I didn’t want to wait to get "it". However, I now see it from a different perspective. Zen sitting, where one doesn’t move and fights through the pain is in line with the Koan study where white knuckling is revered as a sign of strength of character and to be applauded. I also see where the focus is on Enlightenment itself, as a thing to be achieved. And while I think the enlightenment of the Buddha is something that occurs in an instant, the process of getting to that point of sudden awareness is a gradual one.
On the opposite side of the coin is the Gradual School which I see now as grounded in a process of introspection where a koan is the self from moment to moment. Rather than focusing on trying to get the moment of enlightenment in a flash we are asked to come to the realization of the Buddha’s truths through progressive stages of personal growth, or insights, using the same foundations as the Mahayana perspective. Enlightenment for the Vipasanna student is a gradual unfolding through the integration of the “what is” of our lives. This is why it is said over and over that there is nothing that comes up in the course of sitting that is not grist for the mill; everything as it should be, the Universe –our universe – unfolding as it should. We just need to be present, as it unfolds for us, in a supportive, non-judgmental, caring fashion.
So when things come up like anger, fear, guilt, (as well as the positive feelings of love, joy, and gratitude) we should remind ourselves not to personalize it. It is just the naturally occurring "arisings" from "causes and conditions." Pay attention to them and watch them recede into oblivion as easily, and as unbidden, as they arrived.
If we find that we are grasping or holding on to some story or emotion just note it and return to the breath. If we find that the issue is physical pain - as in my case since I’ve been here - the instruction is to work with it skillfully and watch it change. Or if it persists to the point of being an obsession move slowly and mindfully. And when it diminishes enough to refocus on the breath, do so until you need to complete this cycle again.
I now have a series of stretches that I will do during the session if the ache becomes a distraction but only after I have tried to put my mind’s eye (for lack of a better way to say it) into the pain to try to see it completely. Last night she referred to this as "unpacking the pain."
We are able unpack the larger unit of pain into the constituent parts which we are oblivious to when we make it personal. I was reminded to speak to the experience as "a sensation" rather than calling it pain, and then to go inside it; to experience it rather than react to it with tension. We are able, with some practice (and this is the practice) to do the same thing with reactions, feelings, and thoughts. We are able to see how they arise and ultimately pass away on their own, and we can come to realize that we have the ability to learn skillful means to deal with them when they are present.
I heard something something tonight that a previous teacher had said, but it didn’t make as much sense then. Tonight I heard basically the same thing in slightly different words and using different analogies. She began with;
“That which is aware of fear, is not afraid.”
I realized how, if I examine my fear or anger through a deep awareness of my experience, the entity referred to as “me” will not be afraid or angry. The “I” will be observing it and cannot be it during this process. Anger, fear – the whole range of emotions, is a part of our heritage as human beings and will never be wiped out. Fear is a normal, and in some cases a healthy thing to experience as are all the emotions. It is when we are not in touch with the habituated roots of our grasping or aversion to these experiences that we get lost in a degenerative cycle of ruminations and unskillful behaviors…..I wonder, Samsara?
No comments:
Post a Comment