It is quite obvious that when I interact and talk with people, I can learn about them. But it is observed less often that I can also learn about myself. Today I can see that when I have reactions to what people say or do, while it does say something about them, more importantly it is a window into myself. In the same way that no one can make us angry, they cannot make us have feelings that we are not already prone to feel. When I sense someone is kind, compassionate, or loving, I am at the same time tapping into my own abilities to have these feelings. In the past if I felt love or compassion in the presence of another I would likely attribute these feelings in me as coming from them. Do we not often attribute our capacity to love another as originating in them, as though we need them to be able to love? The words to a song come to mind; "You made me love you." Many of us tend to give credit for our good qualities to the influence of those around us, while we are always eager to take full credit for our negative feelings.
Yet when my friend would become energized and almost tearful when talking about how she loved and respected her teacher, I responded to that with similar, if not identical, feelings toward her because it is also within me to feel this way. Too often we lose sight of this and can get into a place where we believe that in order for us to love or feel joy, we need that other person to be present in our lives. We can be obsessed with people, places, and things when we believe our feelings are coming from our association with them. This is the beginning of dependency and is not at all accurate. A person may be a mirror or conduit for my qualities to come the surface but what is not there to begin with, cannot be brought forth by another….be that love or rage.
No comments:
Post a Comment