There is Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself

        The truth of FDR's statement has become evident in my life. I can attest to it’s veracity through my experience and I want not to forget it. I am writing this in an attempt to etch this truth clearly, once and for all into everyday living. And if the statement is true then one must ask, Why? What can be said to convince the dubious traveler that the only thing he/she needs to fear is the state of fear itself? In the following paragraphs I hope to clarify just that, not only for the reader but perhaps more importantly, for myself.
        So let’s begin; why should the “state of being afraid” be the real object of our fear rather than the multitude of “things” by which we are readily overwhelmed? The fear of, say failure, is a feeling about something that is not immediately present. This feeling of dread, anxiety, or apprehension does not exist without some intellectual backdrop to which it refers, be it an imagined picture or scenario, or just words spoken softly between our ears. We stand frozen in time so to speak, as a result of a future image; the present gives way to an illusion. Now for those of us who have been stifled by this dark, hooded figure, we know that our eyes become transfixed upon his chimerical scythe and what surely follows is death to our power in the present.
        So “fearing” is what we should actually be afraid of because this experience of fearing is in the now - here in the present moment - and therefore does exist. It’s not something imagined, existing only in the future, like the possibility of having a flat tire tomorrow, an operation next month, or even getting fired next year. Thus fear itself is our nemesis. But how do we recognize and deal with this fear of fearing?
        First we need to see that what has just been written is accurate in general and true specifically for us. We must nurture an intimate awareness with the manner and times when our fear actually grows out of an intitial visceral reaction to a thought or sensation, rather than the illusory object or outcome of an imagined future. Armed with this awareness we can then set our intention to living out of the present and not the horror movies behind our eyes.
        I recall sitting in the passenger seat of a vehicle as a friend drove me to the hospital for an operation. While I stared out the window there was a moment where I realized that the queasy feeling in my stomach, the slight fever-like temperature on my forehead, and sweaty palms were the result of an intellectual cycle. I thought about having to go into a place where all my power would have to be surrendered. A place where I would be at the mercy of a series of actions that I knew nothing about and would be performed by people I had never met. It moved from that generality to the specifics of having a needle placed improperly between two vertebrae and resulting in a life of paralysis…… Then, in my increasing dis-ease, my practice paid a dividend. I remembered the story of a man hanging by one hand off over a cliff, his grip slowly slipping down the thin, frail branch. Below him was a hungry tiger salivating at the sight of his next meal and an equally hungry tiger on the cliff just above his reach. Several feet below, he noticed a small vine growing out from the side of the cliff and containing a single bright red strawberry. When the branch finally slipped though his grasp he reached out and plucked the berry, savoring it as he fell toward the tiger with a smile on his face and a happy heart.
        I had read this story several times before, but at that moment the truth it holds offered me relief from the fear I felt. I was able to see that I had nothing to fear in that moment. I wasn’t even at the hospital yet, but as I recalled this story a new posture issued forth from deep inside. From that moment on I was able to greatly minimize the discomfort of my ordeal, prior to a welcomed sedative. By continually going back to the fact that there was actually nothing to fear in those moments when fear arose, save for the imaginings of some future event, I was able to let go and relax into the present. A present were I was actually comfortable: lying in a bed, being waited on, and feeling a comfort in the familiar presence of my friend.
        I realized later, at a more intellectual level, that when in the face of a perceived threat, if I let go of the dark imaginings that spontaneously combust in my mind, fear has no place to gain its emotional foothold. What is actually present to us at all times is this moment “as it presents itself.” And it was the fear aroused by my imagination that grew exponentially as I allowed myself to believe that those illusory possibilities in the future were real here and now - in the present.
        The only place we can feel pain, real pain, is in this moment – now - the present. We cannot live in the future; the future is where we avoid living.
        We have choices if only we can see them and that is what this is all about; exercising our power through the choices given to us as a result of embracing a specific meditative practice. Then we must use the ability to focus gleaned from our time on the cushion, as a tool to disengage ourselves from the repetitious cycle of illusions. And through a mindful awareness directed toward our sensory/visceral experiences, we are able to break our attachment to the disabling cycle of fearing.
        We leave our head behind and enter into the physical present. In this present there is no place for fear to grab hold except through that mental doorway to an illusory future. While living out of the present however, we can respond directly to that which the present “presents” to us. And if we are involved in the here and now of our life, the dark imaginings of an illusory future are unable to speak to us.
        If the present moment does speak to our fear of failure - perhaps through mental conversations, premonitions from long deceased parents, or simply dark, ominous imaginings - we are free the moment we mindfully experience them. Each of these mental harangues is accompanied by a physical manifestation; usually a tension somewhere within the body. Through a meditation practice we learn to notice these tensions and in so doing we have given ourselves a choice. We can ignore the physical signs and remain prisoners of the old patterns, or through mindfulness directed toward these visceral experiences, we can detach from the disabling cycle of fear.
        Why do they say that “heroes are made not born”? And why does it seem that the wary “hero” always says he’s not a hero but rather an ordinary person just doing what was necessary in the moment? The answer is because he or she has operated from a place where they were fully engaged in the present without thoughts of failure, pain, misjudgment, or fear of something in the future. They simply stopped thinking and acted. We are able to live through this same process if we are only willing to do what is necessary to recognize that when we are fully immersed in the present we cannot experience fear. We simply act. We become that hero who cannot see what all the fuss is about because we were “just doing what was necessary in the moment”.
        Meditation is an exercise in being present. It is where we learn to focus on the present in the midst of thoughts, pains, fears, and conversations all clamoring for our attention. It’s why it is referred to as a meditation practice and not the “endgame.”
        Now let’s take a moment to discuss the idea of avoiding or running from our fear - not the lion or an actual threat but - the fear of the threat, pain, or discomfort. Doing so only serves to increase our fear. It seems so backward when we first look at it. Why would becoming more aware of a fear release us from it, when ignoring it, or running from it, will make the fear have more power over us? First we have to acknowledge that in certain situations fear can save our lives - like running from that actual lion. What we are investigating here however, is the experience of “fearing” itself, not the object of that fear. We are looking at the effects of fearing itself and how it controls our mind, our body, and our ability to act skillfully.
        If I try to ignore or avoid the feeling of fear that grips me at the prospect of doing something, perhaps where there is a chance that I might make a mistake, fail, or in some way suffer, two things will take place. First I will not be able to be an active participant in my life because I will freeze in the state of avoidance mentioned earlier, or I will use all manner of physical or psychological defenses to run from the perceived threat. And second, the illusions I create in response to the threat will remain in the back of my mind. And each and every time the same or similar situation arises, those illusions will increasingly become imagined as actual events. Add enough moments together and I’m totally out of the loop of life. In the extreme I might be driven into a catatonic state or just live through schizophrenic-like connections to partial realities.
        On the other hand, as strange as it may seem before we experience it for ourselves, if we embrace the experience of being afraid as I have suggested, we will break the cycle of fearful ideations. And it is truly this cycle, the mental raping of the “present as it is”, that causes our suffering. When it is the lion…run. But when it is the thought that causes our fear, it becomes the self-regenerating cycle of thought that cripples free living. We become imprisoned behind the bars of our own thought and all we can see are the ominous shadows that are cast upon the walls of our cell.

Originally noted 10-06-07