Which: self or real-Self

     We often use the same word in different situations with our intended meanings being quite different. Recently, during a re-reading of Sekkei Harada’s book “The Essence of Zen,” I came to a new understanding – my understanding - of the difference in meaning between the terms “self” and “real-Self.”
     One meaning for the term Dharma is the world, life, “as-it -is.” This is the essence of Zen, the Dharma, the Way - the present as-it-is. When I recognize that the term Dharma represents Oneness, or life as-it-is before my dualistic mind processes and categorizes Oneness into sensate experience, I am able to imagine what initially appears to be two opposing ideas and recognize them as one idea from two perspectives; self and real-Self.
     But let me begin a bit earlier in my thought process. In expressing proof of our existence, the human organism perceives/experiences the sense of a self (ego) and proclaims that since this “I” can see, and hear, and feel, and think - an “I” must therefore actually exist. We accept this as an argument for there being a permanent entity: the self. In this way our biological mechanism of perception and cognition supports the notion of a separate entity which I will call the “ego-self.” This ego-self, however, can also be simply expressed as the result and the sum of the functions of the aggregate of the mind/body processes and it is always changing and therefore impermanent.
     All things come into existence through conditions and they disappear because of conditions. Results unavoidably issue forth from causes. All conditions are contingent upon the presence, or absence, of causes. Being attached to a preference for one thing over another is a condition for the arising of seeking, which is a condition for the arising of clinging, which in turn is the condition for Suffering. Just as desire is a condition for the arising of disappointment, desire was contingent upon a prior labeling of something as necessary or pleasurable, which arose out of the condition of sentience. This is one description of Dharma or Dependent-Arising; the way it is for us as human beings. And the idea of a “self” is the result of the conditions that have arisen out of our sensate body/mind functions, also referred to as skandhas, or aggregates of attachment.
     So, by the term ego-self, I am referring the process whereby each person relates to the world from the standpoint of “I” and “other.” When the ego-self intervenes it inserts opinions, interpretations, judgments, and preferences. It requires that I see “this” by comparison to “that,” or egoistically for those who enjoy language.
     We cannot avoid the apprehension of our life dualistically. And in this dualistic perspective there’s a deeply imbedded sense of “me,” which is juxtaposed to, and separate from, “you” and “other.” The present moment as-it-is, denotes a being-in-the-world without a separation into me and other. No judgments; no better than, or worse than. My meditation practice is about dropping the ego-self and immersing my attention wholeheartedly in the work of this moment. It’s about making an effort to let go of attachment to preferences, fully realizing the dualistic aspect of my being-in-the-world, while guiding my actions by a recognition and acceptance of the present moment, just as-it-is.
     So if you are like me, and you are finally able to wrap your mind around it all up to this point, you will likely experience some consternation when you read about something called the real-Self (or sometimes referred to as the true-Self). It seemed to fly in the face of what I had struggled so hard to understand. What follows is how I have escaped the grasp of my confusion.
     Our “real-Self” is the Dharma; the essence of all things constantly cycling through eternal change. In this case each passing moment – time, Bob, Nadine, Ken, Jimmy - is the arising of new causes and conditions. However, the key or operative idea in this is change. We are not composed of a concrete entity called “me” going through a process of change. We are change. And our real-Self, is that eternal changing; the Dharma. In other words, we are change as it represents itself to our senses at any given instant….and then we change. Our sensory apparatus cannot process this Dharma except within certain parameters of sensation. We are not constructed in such a way as to be able to process the true quality - is-ness - of each moment. Sentience is our prison, and our sentence is a life-time.
     Life is the continual flux or flow of arising conditions (or causes depending upon what term you are most comfortable with). Dharma is the term I'm using to represent this flow of life, including the human organism, as it is unfolding. Therefore, I offer the term Dharma as a representation of the real-Self as opposed to the ego-self that I colloquially identify as “me.”
     The “real-Self” is our unfolding. It’s not a discreet entity that has longevity amid an otherwise changing world. Change is the essence all things; the Dharma, the Way. Oneness is an undifferentiated whole-ness out of which our mind identifies limited parameters of sensory experience. And  the real-Self is that Oneness which cannot be named or perceived because it is empty of the division, or separation, into a dichotomy of opposites.
     What we refer to as discreet entities (named things) are actually contingencies or change as the arising of causes or conditions (aggregates of causes) acting upon other conditions. It is not possible for any single thing to exist on its own, or by itself alone. In our world of material forms, if I think something is true or real, it means I have added a characteristic (reality or truth) to the object or thing perceived. On the other hand, perception offers only “is-ness.” So there remains a dichotomous gap between that thing as-it-is, and that to which the name refers i.e., the quality of real or true, beautiful or ugly. My mind deconstructs the wholeness –oneness as-it-is - into parts or discreet dualistic units; the beautiful or true juxtaposed with the ugly or false. In our material world of form, in order for there to be a reality or a truth, there must be a non-reality or untruth; a dualistic “other.” An unavoidable fact for the human mind in a world of ten-thousand things.
     On the other hand, the life of one who has realized one’s true-Self, is one in which dualities are noted but not clung to as ultimate truth. In other words, this manner of being in the world is to dwell peacefully in this moment…Now just as-it-is.
     Practically speaking, whether one does something for another, or for oneself, the life of Zen is to forget all that comes before and after, and just do each deed for the purpose of the deed itself: here, now. This is to be your “real-Self.”