Why Mindful Awareness?

       For me, the wonder of meditation is that it is not an intellectual process, nor is it about ‘white knuckle’ attempts at behavior modification. It is about the change which can arise out of a mindful awareness. Today I meditate in order to accept the pain, frustration, and anxiety of everyday living; to better function as a healthy, helpful human being.
       Initially it was an attempt to stop incessant fantasies associated with extreme anger in order to avoid the heart attack or stroke which I feared was inevitable. Over time however, I have come to believe in the transformative power of Zazen. Not from reading a book or sacred text, or listening to a teacher. Rather it was from actually doing Zazen, sometimes referred to as Insight or Mindfulness Meditation, that I was able to experience subtle, unexplained changes in my attitudes which led me to have faith in the process.
      The reading and listening to teachers that I cautioned against a moment ago are also valuable tools however. They constitute resources for an understanding of the particular path I choose in life. They offer guidance in my daily affairs like the proverbial carrot dangled just ahead of the plow horse. And like that old horse I need to have my general course plotted: who do I wish to be? How do want to act…to live my life? However these ideas are tools for the world of action and form. It is in the process of meditation that they become connected to my life at a deeper, unspoken level. Meditation is the yeast that allows the desired change to rise, and to fill my life with a calm abiding.
     The process is quite simple in theory but less so in execution. I often hear people say, “If I’m not supposed to think while I’m sitting I can’t solve any problems, so why meditate – what’s the purpose of this kind of meditation?”
    We all have reasons that bring us to meditation in the first place. I have told you what brought me to this practice initially. There is nothing wrong with this or any other goal one might have for beginning a meditation practice. But the actual process of “sitting” requires that we let go of this initial reason once the actual practice begins. We must release ourselves from reasons, goals, hopes, dreams, and all intellectualizations if we wish to learn to have mindfulness in daily living……and more.
     The idea is to learn to be present with what is; to open oneself to the present moment as it presents itself; to experience being fully engaged in the “now moment” without judgment, analysis, or preference. Attempting to meet a purpose during our meditation is a block to achieving this kind of openness. It masks our ability to be receptive to what the present moment offers us. When we get carried away by thoughts, emotions, or fantasy scenarios they divert, or separate us from what the present moment offers.
    To have a judgment about, or a preference for or against, whatever is happening in this moment creates an emotional posture which becomes, over time, a habitual attitude toward things, people, or situations that arise in daily living. These postures symbiotically glue us to the fears, obsessions, anger and depression that make this life a ‘suffering affair’. They cut us off from any hope of achieving the equanimity and compassion which is the cornerstone of becoming that healthy, helpful human being to which I aspire.
     From the many variations, I have chosen Awareness Meditation because it requires me to practice being present without judgment, comparison, or naming; without focusing on a discrimination in terms good and bad, or right and wrong. Through practicing this method of being present to the moment, I am able to slowly transpose equanimity and compassion from the cushion into my everyday affairs.
    If you are not interested in an Awareness of the way things are versus the way you would like them to be, then this style of meditation is not for you. If you are looking for answers that are neatly contained within the philosophical perspective you already hold, some other meditative process will better fit your needs. Awareness meditation is not for those who are interested in simply reinforcing their “truth”; it is for those who want to free their vision of themselves and the world, so as to see it ‘as it is’.