On a day not unlike today, a thought scurried out from another of those dark corners of my brain and the following ensued after an inner voice inquired, “If there were no sounds, would there still be hearing?”
The conversation went something like this. “If there were no sounds - none whatsoever, including the sea-shell-like white noise that we notice sometimes when there seems to be total silence – could we say that hearing still exists? Is hearing an entity separate from sound?” A moment’s thought and I answered “no.” My reasoning, whether solid or at best, ephemeral, was that if the process of hearing requires a mechanism of reception – as in our case the brain/ear continuum – as well as a sound for this mechanism to process, then it seems to make sense that no hearing will arise in the absence of the necessary conditions of sound and ear. In the absence of either one of these contingencies hearing does not arise and is therefore not a separate entity.
The same reasoning can be applied to sight. In the absence of an eye, an object, and the presence of the necessary light - seeing will not arise. After a quick perusal, it would appear that the same is true for the other senses. This is because the senses, which we fallaciously consider the arbiter of our truths, are merely contingent processes. That is, the sensations are contingent on the presence of other factors which ultimately rest in biologically determined parameters of operation. For example, there are only a limited number of wavelengths of light and sound that we are, through the operation of these mechanisms, able to register. The same holds true for every sensate experience and each of us can take the time to verify this for ourselves.
Then, as so often happens, I made a mental leap to some conversation I had recently where I was asked about the notion of “transcendence” and what that means in terms of enlightenment as well as its relationship to overcoming Klesha’s or the defilements of mind which separate us from recognizing the Buddha Mind within.
I then imagined a mind experiment concerning this question. I imagined a receptor of some sort that used a monitor to display a circle in the center of the screen. The background was white and inside the black circle appeared the color red in a range from a very light pink to the deepest and brightest red one can imagine. A change in the shade of red would correspond to the degree of anger the person experienced when hooked up to the apparatus. The darker shades indicating a greater degree of anger while less redness within the circle would indicate a diminished experience of anger.
Then I imagined that a subject would move from emotional quiescence up to a state of rage, and progressively move through to a meditative state of calm over a period of several minutes while being monitored through this process by my apparatus. To tie up any loose ends I imagined my apparatus having the ability to register all levels or degrees of anger so that if it was present to any degree whatsoever, we would be able to detect it. Isn't fantasy wonderful?
The subject was then shown a film which he said produced a "homicidal rage" when he first saw it, and upsets him still, if he thinks about it. As the experiment proceeded it became apparent when the subject became extremely angry, as evidenced by fact that the center of the circle would take on a deep red hue. Then as he calmed himself by meditating, the shade of red began to diminish slowly until the circle was the lightest shade of pink….and then melted into the white background outside the circle.
What I gleaned from this little excursion into my imagination was that to "transcend anger" is to be, ultimately, in a state devoid of anger. After the test subject let go of the stream of after-thoughts, which initially arose out of viewing the film, he gradually became "emotionally free of anger" as evidenced by the disappearance of any shade of redness. The man himself however remained. There was no outward physical change to his body. Furthermore, it occurred to me that what would also disappear would be the usual outward consequences of anger in that person’s life. In short there would be no experiential consequence for him, nor would there be a re-birth of anger, or its lesser minions, in anyone with whom he came in contact while angry. The negative karma that arises out of anger would be avoided. He would not have to practice over many life-times in order to achieve what is possible in this one; here and now.
April 29, 2011
March 13, 2011
A Response to E's Comment
Your question:
I want to include a more visceral, experiential approach. In the latter paragraphs, you move a lot into desire, grasping, wanting. And while that may be a cause of "self," I want to put more emphasis on "Who am I?" when the grasping falls away! Am I Buddha nature? Am I pure consciousness? Am I emptiness? Am I nothingness? Am I One?
My answer:
Since you have brought up the ideas of Buddha nature, Pure Consciousness, Emptiness, Nothingness, and Oneness, I will defer to my blog on these issues specifically. As to this particular question I offer the following opinion.
In the previous post, I made the following statement: this thing I think of as "me" will simply be one with whatever is at the moment. Therefore, regardless of what one names it, the "I" which has shed grasping and aversion will remain as the on-going flow of experience for each individual. Personally I believe that is an adequate understanding of Buddha-dharma, and the other terms.
Buddha means "awakened one." Awakened to what? Well, awakened to what his teachings point to.....the result of following his path. Call it enlightenment, transcendence, release, or Oneness, etc. I think it is synonymous with the emptiness that is, in each moment, filled with the process of unending contingent-arising which would be understood as nothingness if it were to be apprehended by human thought. It is the vast primordial unfolding of consciousness as well.
What we have to remember is that all these terms are just metaphoric fingers that point to an unknowable moon. When we try to use words, which by their very function narrow our vision and focus, in order to understand the unknowable we actually move further away from correctly understanding.......an understanding that surpasses words.
I read a paper by a young girl (Blair Felder) the other day in which she made these observations. We need to "perceive conventional reality with objective observation laced with awe." I think this speaks to the need to "know the self in order to transcend the self" as Dogen taught. This requires us to find Nirvana, enlightenment, etc. right here - that what is pointed to by these terms is here and now - not somewhere else in another time. She also wrote that if one can, "exhaust the meanings of conceptualization by being contemplative and skeptical of conceptual meaning, one can reawaken to the state of emptiness." That state of emptiness is "I" sans conceptualization, grasping, and aversion.
I hope this leads to further exploration.
I want to include a more visceral, experiential approach. In the latter paragraphs, you move a lot into desire, grasping, wanting. And while that may be a cause of "self," I want to put more emphasis on "Who am I?" when the grasping falls away! Am I Buddha nature? Am I pure consciousness? Am I emptiness? Am I nothingness? Am I One?
My answer:
Since you have brought up the ideas of Buddha nature, Pure Consciousness, Emptiness, Nothingness, and Oneness, I will defer to my blog on these issues specifically. As to this particular question I offer the following opinion.
In the previous post, I made the following statement: this thing I think of as "me" will simply be one with whatever is at the moment. Therefore, regardless of what one names it, the "I" which has shed grasping and aversion will remain as the on-going flow of experience for each individual. Personally I believe that is an adequate understanding of Buddha-dharma, and the other terms.
Buddha means "awakened one." Awakened to what? Well, awakened to what his teachings point to.....the result of following his path. Call it enlightenment, transcendence, release, or Oneness, etc. I think it is synonymous with the emptiness that is, in each moment, filled with the process of unending contingent-arising which would be understood as nothingness if it were to be apprehended by human thought. It is the vast primordial unfolding of consciousness as well.
What we have to remember is that all these terms are just metaphoric fingers that point to an unknowable moon. When we try to use words, which by their very function narrow our vision and focus, in order to understand the unknowable we actually move further away from correctly understanding.......an understanding that surpasses words.
I read a paper by a young girl (Blair Felder) the other day in which she made these observations. We need to "perceive conventional reality with objective observation laced with awe." I think this speaks to the need to "know the self in order to transcend the self" as Dogen taught. This requires us to find Nirvana, enlightenment, etc. right here - that what is pointed to by these terms is here and now - not somewhere else in another time. She also wrote that if one can, "exhaust the meanings of conceptualization by being contemplative and skeptical of conceptual meaning, one can reawaken to the state of emptiness." That state of emptiness is "I" sans conceptualization, grasping, and aversion.
I hope this leads to further exploration.
March 11, 2011
Thoughts on the Identity of Bob
Generally, I think we can agree that the entity we refer to when we say "self" is this mind/body aggregate that we see when we look in the mirror. Other terms I might use to identify Bob's attitudes, experience, or spatial identity of this self are Bob, ego, angry, old, loquacious, yada, yada, yada.
The human brain functions as a dualistically oriented, interpretive hub for sense data. It is also houses the operation responsible for language, and the result is the sense that this self, or this "Bob-thing," is a fixed entity which becomes reified in the mind and thus, appears to be the essence of who we are. Albeit, we might find ourselves unsure from time to time whether this is actually the way it is, but the drive to exist, to be something eternal, is a powerful human motive, and leads us back to the comforting belief that the "self" - as a core essential something - is real. It is hard to imagine, let alone argue with, some other interpretation. I'm suggesting that this is an inherent component of human consciousness and is part of human DNA.
Stephen Batchelor has said that the teachings of the Buddha are about becoming awakened to a new way to live in this world. That they embody, not just a spiritual realization, but they direct us to recognize the "self" as nothing other than that with which we identify. Rather than a concrete, essential something, he says that we are "a project to be realized." This resonates as true for me, and I hope to express why it does so in the following excerpt from my blog entry on September 5, 2010 titled The Illusion of Me. I have made some minor tweaks to the original in hopes of making it more reader friendly. Then again, we'll see.
.......What I want to talk about here is the fact that when I refer to a "part of me" it implies that this me to which I claim ownership, is able to shapeshift or in some other way separate into a second....what shall we say...."alternate me?" Like that entity we hear referred to as an alter-ego perhaps. Philosophically interesting - maybe; and while helpful in describing my experience, it may not be at all helpful in understanding the notions of impermanence and no-self in Buddhist teachings. Each of us must judge for ourselves in these matters.
So now more to the point. Ego is a term that designates an "enduring and conscious element that knows experience," (Philosophical definition based on Random House Dictionary 2010). This definition, along with the term "know," leads us to imagine an enduring and conscious "self" which is refuted in the Buddhist teaching of Anatta (No-self).
Robert Kennedy says, in his book Zen Gifts to Christians, “The self is the sum of its functions in the present moment.” When I imagine a function as an experience, it allows me to understand the essence of ego or self, not as a single entity but rather, as a verb. A verb which denotes a mental construct/process (perhaps we might read as "illusion") manifested in physical behavior and commonly referred to as an act of grasping, wanting, desiring, or evading. In this way it becomes quite easy, in light of dependent-arising, to understand ego as an action arising out of attraction or aversion which arises out of sensory contact. Think about it - the brain, working within its biologically determined functions, responds to sensory contact; from these sensation "wanting" arises, and the result is dissatisfaction or suffering. Why? Because in an ever-changing world we are unable to find lasting satisfaction, or permanently avoid being dissatisfied.
It stands to reason then, if we stop wanting - being attached, and grasping after things - the ego or “I” will no longer arise. In the absence of wanting, this thing I think of as "me" will simply be one with whatever is at the moment. The Buddha told us that life is suffering because of this grasping; our tendency to strive for more and more and never be satisfied. We find ourselves dissatisfied with life; we suffer from want. We tend toward becoming covetous of that which we don't have, neurotically attached to what we do, and in fear of losing it once obtained. Ego, desire, suffer; they are one and the same. We get off track when we think that ego is an actual entity that somehow this sufferer is assaulted by it's suffering from the outside.
To be free from want we must disentangle the threads of "I" in the tapestry of self arising from the world of form that plays behind our eyes.
I would like to address one more question that comes to mind; "So what?" In the piece above there this sentence - "In the absence of wanting, this thing I think of as "me" will simply be one with whatever is at the moment." Even if it happens to be true that understanding the notion of self in the manner described above, assists us in becoming free of wanting, why should we care? Why should we aspire to be free of want?
To "want" is, by definition, to be focusing on something we do not have. If I look longingly at something, figuratively or materially, I am not in the present. I am not connected to the present moment. The more I want the object of my longing, the more I become obsessed with having it. From this obesessiveness arises a further distancing from my actual life. My mental energy becomes increasing caught up in fantasy. The more I become attached to this object of desire, the greater my dissatisfaction with "what is." In addition, the more the notion of "I" will become reinforced as a real entity that is continually assaulted by the whims of an uncertain, bewildering world. Life becomes some variation on the mantra, "It's me against the world." Suffering for the human animal is a disconnection with our true nature; a fluid, interconnected Self. (See the blog entry titled Self or Real Self, in November 2009)
On the other hand, when I can see Bob as a "project" that unfolds from moment to moment it becomes easier to recognize that "I" am what I think. "I am" the ever-changing flow of life - existence. I change each second as part of the interconnected web of arising and passing which is life itself. There is no Bob in the usual sense. There is only the flow of sensory processes, and neither these nor anything else is permanent. There is nothing to cling to, nothing to covet. Bob is the ephemeral changing of a plethora of objects arising out of sensory contact and human ideation. Dissatisfaction is transcended in each moment of this experiential realization. As fleeting as it may be, I find it worth the time and energy to work for it.
The human brain functions as a dualistically oriented, interpretive hub for sense data. It is also houses the operation responsible for language, and the result is the sense that this self, or this "Bob-thing," is a fixed entity which becomes reified in the mind and thus, appears to be the essence of who we are. Albeit, we might find ourselves unsure from time to time whether this is actually the way it is, but the drive to exist, to be something eternal, is a powerful human motive, and leads us back to the comforting belief that the "self" - as a core essential something - is real. It is hard to imagine, let alone argue with, some other interpretation. I'm suggesting that this is an inherent component of human consciousness and is part of human DNA.
Stephen Batchelor has said that the teachings of the Buddha are about becoming awakened to a new way to live in this world. That they embody, not just a spiritual realization, but they direct us to recognize the "self" as nothing other than that with which we identify. Rather than a concrete, essential something, he says that we are "a project to be realized." This resonates as true for me, and I hope to express why it does so in the following excerpt from my blog entry on September 5, 2010 titled The Illusion of Me. I have made some minor tweaks to the original in hopes of making it more reader friendly. Then again, we'll see.
.......What I want to talk about here is the fact that when I refer to a "part of me" it implies that this me to which I claim ownership, is able to shapeshift or in some other way separate into a second....what shall we say...."alternate me?" Like that entity we hear referred to as an alter-ego perhaps. Philosophically interesting - maybe; and while helpful in describing my experience, it may not be at all helpful in understanding the notions of impermanence and no-self in Buddhist teachings. Each of us must judge for ourselves in these matters.
So now more to the point. Ego is a term that designates an "enduring and conscious element that knows experience," (Philosophical definition based on Random House Dictionary 2010). This definition, along with the term "know," leads us to imagine an enduring and conscious "self" which is refuted in the Buddhist teaching of Anatta (No-self).
Robert Kennedy says, in his book Zen Gifts to Christians, “The self is the sum of its functions in the present moment.” When I imagine a function as an experience, it allows me to understand the essence of ego or self, not as a single entity but rather, as a verb. A verb which denotes a mental construct/process (perhaps we might read as "illusion") manifested in physical behavior and commonly referred to as an act of grasping, wanting, desiring, or evading. In this way it becomes quite easy, in light of dependent-arising, to understand ego as an action arising out of attraction or aversion which arises out of sensory contact. Think about it - the brain, working within its biologically determined functions, responds to sensory contact; from these sensation "wanting" arises, and the result is dissatisfaction or suffering. Why? Because in an ever-changing world we are unable to find lasting satisfaction, or permanently avoid being dissatisfied.
It stands to reason then, if we stop wanting - being attached, and grasping after things - the ego or “I” will no longer arise. In the absence of wanting, this thing I think of as "me" will simply be one with whatever is at the moment. The Buddha told us that life is suffering because of this grasping; our tendency to strive for more and more and never be satisfied. We find ourselves dissatisfied with life; we suffer from want. We tend toward becoming covetous of that which we don't have, neurotically attached to what we do, and in fear of losing it once obtained. Ego, desire, suffer; they are one and the same. We get off track when we think that ego is an actual entity that somehow this sufferer is assaulted by it's suffering from the outside.
To be free from want we must disentangle the threads of "I" in the tapestry of self arising from the world of form that plays behind our eyes.
I would like to address one more question that comes to mind; "So what?" In the piece above there this sentence - "In the absence of wanting, this thing I think of as "me" will simply be one with whatever is at the moment." Even if it happens to be true that understanding the notion of self in the manner described above, assists us in becoming free of wanting, why should we care? Why should we aspire to be free of want?
To "want" is, by definition, to be focusing on something we do not have. If I look longingly at something, figuratively or materially, I am not in the present. I am not connected to the present moment. The more I want the object of my longing, the more I become obsessed with having it. From this obesessiveness arises a further distancing from my actual life. My mental energy becomes increasing caught up in fantasy. The more I become attached to this object of desire, the greater my dissatisfaction with "what is." In addition, the more the notion of "I" will become reinforced as a real entity that is continually assaulted by the whims of an uncertain, bewildering world. Life becomes some variation on the mantra, "It's me against the world." Suffering for the human animal is a disconnection with our true nature; a fluid, interconnected Self. (See the blog entry titled Self or Real Self, in November 2009)
On the other hand, when I can see Bob as a "project" that unfolds from moment to moment it becomes easier to recognize that "I" am what I think. "I am" the ever-changing flow of life - existence. I change each second as part of the interconnected web of arising and passing which is life itself. There is no Bob in the usual sense. There is only the flow of sensory processes, and neither these nor anything else is permanent. There is nothing to cling to, nothing to covet. Bob is the ephemeral changing of a plethora of objects arising out of sensory contact and human ideation. Dissatisfaction is transcended in each moment of this experiential realization. As fleeting as it may be, I find it worth the time and energy to work for it.
December 7, 2010
Non-Resistance versus Affecting Change
How does one remain non-resistant to the moment and still work for change? On our way to answering this question let’s begin by exploring what it means to be “non-resistant” to the moment. To accept the moment as it is, without resisting, is not to necessarily agree or condone the actions contained therein. By way of example, I can thoroughly disagree with the opinion or action of another but still accept the fact that they think or act as they do. However, most of us are used to having negative thoughts about another’s ideas or behavior. And these negative thoughts are what usually come between us and skillful action in attempt to not be that other.
In one of Scott Peck’s books he wrote something that has stayed with me over the years. I paraphrase here as, “The unsavory acts of another man relieves me of the burden of being him.” Or in the Buddhist writings, those who present us with dissatisfaction are the heavenly messengers offering the catalyst for change. And in my own life I am in constant want to remember that he who has the eye of the middle way sees not the man, but the suffering.
I am always grateful when I can remember these thoughts in the midst of an all too familiar, disparaging, internal dialogue about something I don’t agree with. I’m not suggesting that I condone things like rape, racism, and man’s inhumanity to man in any form. However, I have come to realize that my mental diatribes do nothing to right any situation. And they are likely to cause me to act in a manner that is counter-productive to desired ends.
In order to act in a manner conducive to change, I have to be open. I have to be accepting of all facets of the negativity that I desire to change. Acceptance here is not acceptance of the negativity itself but rather acceptance that it is a necessary aspect of the present moment as it is. This requires me to have a deep understanding of Impermanence and Dependent-Arising as a fact of human existence, right here, right now. This does not mean I shouldn’t feel great sadness or pain. These are endemic in human existence…..so just accept it, feel what you feel, and decide how to proceed. No pointing fingers, no verbal or physical outbursts, no eye-for-an-eye mentality; just be empty. And in the words of Dainin Katagiri, “Then this emptiness makes your life alive in the universe and you are ready to act.”
We spend far too much time accusing and arguing over right and wrong, good and bad. Just accept that these are categories created by man pointing to supporting extremes in the natural process of dependent-arising. The existence of either depends on the other. The pendulum of impermanence knows nothing of such categories. It just swings with the force of our reactions to these extremes. Thus we can see the middle way of action. In Taoist terminology it's Wu-Wei; the non-action that leaves nothing undone.
In answer to our question, Katagiri gives us insight derived from our practice on the cushion when he writes, "How can you do this? Just pat your ideas on the head and pass by......just become empty and flexible."
In one of Scott Peck’s books he wrote something that has stayed with me over the years. I paraphrase here as, “The unsavory acts of another man relieves me of the burden of being him.” Or in the Buddhist writings, those who present us with dissatisfaction are the heavenly messengers offering the catalyst for change. And in my own life I am in constant want to remember that he who has the eye of the middle way sees not the man, but the suffering.
I am always grateful when I can remember these thoughts in the midst of an all too familiar, disparaging, internal dialogue about something I don’t agree with. I’m not suggesting that I condone things like rape, racism, and man’s inhumanity to man in any form. However, I have come to realize that my mental diatribes do nothing to right any situation. And they are likely to cause me to act in a manner that is counter-productive to desired ends.
In order to act in a manner conducive to change, I have to be open. I have to be accepting of all facets of the negativity that I desire to change. Acceptance here is not acceptance of the negativity itself but rather acceptance that it is a necessary aspect of the present moment as it is. This requires me to have a deep understanding of Impermanence and Dependent-Arising as a fact of human existence, right here, right now. This does not mean I shouldn’t feel great sadness or pain. These are endemic in human existence…..so just accept it, feel what you feel, and decide how to proceed. No pointing fingers, no verbal or physical outbursts, no eye-for-an-eye mentality; just be empty. And in the words of Dainin Katagiri, “Then this emptiness makes your life alive in the universe and you are ready to act.”
We spend far too much time accusing and arguing over right and wrong, good and bad. Just accept that these are categories created by man pointing to supporting extremes in the natural process of dependent-arising. The existence of either depends on the other. The pendulum of impermanence knows nothing of such categories. It just swings with the force of our reactions to these extremes. Thus we can see the middle way of action. In Taoist terminology it's Wu-Wei; the non-action that leaves nothing undone.
In answer to our question, Katagiri gives us insight derived from our practice on the cushion when he writes, "How can you do this? Just pat your ideas on the head and pass by......just become empty and flexible."
November 28, 2010
Non-Doing
I must say that I spend a fair amount of time being confused by my readings in Philosophy and Zen literature. However, this exercise is preferable today to training for 10K races and various other sporting events. Some may call it 'old age' but I prefer something akin to wisdom - though I admit to feeling a twinge of ill-conceived hubris at the use of the term. However, after hours of perplexity and furrowed brow, reward often comes with a sudden flash (and a rush of adrenaline equal to the runner's high). In a moment of direct experience, clarity descends upon a previously clouded understanding. And it's always exciting when something that seems so abstruse at first, becomes obvious once it is.....is what? Digested, understood, integrated... once again the inadequacy of words becomes clear.
One of the most perplexing statements in Zen is the one below by Lao Tzu and comes from Taoist literature:
"Less and less is done
Until non-action is achieved
When nothing is done, nothing is left undone."
How, we ask ourselves; how can anything be left undone when nothing is done? It confounds rational thought.....and that is actually the point. But let's save that for another post. The point here is that I read this over and over throughout the years and while I grasped it intellectually....sort of....it wasn't until today that I realized that I had experienced it earlier in the day.
Various writers had used any number of examples to help me "understand" what was being said, but it wasn't until my own experience embraced its truth that it was understood at a completely different level. One that I cannot seem to adequately express in words. Michael Jordan thrilling fans with aerial acrobatics on the baskeball court, gifted pianists performing feats of digital prowess that I can barely imagine even as I watch, or the archer who is said to have hit the target without having aimed because it, the arrow, shoots itself: these are everyday examples of what is being pointed to in the teachings on Non-Doing.
I was never able to pass the typing course in high school because of a combination of not caring enough to practice, and a tensing under pressure which also devastated my attempts at making a foul shot under pressure. My mind could never "let go" enough to allow a natural unfolding of the fruits of rigorous practice. The ego can be a daunting adversary. Suffice it to say that over the years I have learned to type well enough to handle anything I've needed to create with a computer keyboard. Typing while simultaneously reading the words from a book however became a laborious and time consuming task. Since this has become a necessary activity today, due to sheer repetition minus the dreaded competition with clock or man, things have changed.
As I've looked for inspiring or heuristic quotes for our sangha's Thought for the Week emails, I've inadvertently improved my typing skills. Just this afternoon I read the following statement by Ray Grigg from his book The Tao of Zen:
"When non-doing appears as inaction it is peaceful, silent, and still; when it appears as action it is thoughtless, reflexive, and intuitive....This apersonal momentum is what moves the fingers of the pianist; it seems as if no one is deliberately playing the piano, as if the player has become the instrument and the music is making itself."
At the very moment I read that passage I realized that I had been aware of that exact experience while typing. Though sporadic, there are moments when I am looking at the page of the book and, without thinking about or imagining the keys of the computer, my fingers find the letters that I am seeing on the page. When I realize that it is happening however, the thought causes a disconnect and the smooth non-typing aspect of the moment is lost in a flurry of mental interference. It reminds me of the intermittent reception we used to get with a television using the old "rabbit-ears" antenna. You would have neither picture nor no-picture. It was a jumble of static and a cacophony of distorted visual images. Suffice it to say that in those moments there are many words "undone" compared to when I am able to simply allow my fingers to work through my eyes.
I am amazed that whenever I can settle into this "zone." It's as though something or someone else is doing the typing. My self-reflective consciousness must dissolve however, so that when I relax into non-doing, "nothing is left undone." Meaning nothing needs to be fixed later. The following quotations take on a new clarity.
One of the most perplexing statements in Zen is the one below by Lao Tzu and comes from Taoist literature:
"Less and less is done
Until non-action is achieved
When nothing is done, nothing is left undone."
How, we ask ourselves; how can anything be left undone when nothing is done? It confounds rational thought.....and that is actually the point. But let's save that for another post. The point here is that I read this over and over throughout the years and while I grasped it intellectually....sort of....it wasn't until today that I realized that I had experienced it earlier in the day.
Various writers had used any number of examples to help me "understand" what was being said, but it wasn't until my own experience embraced its truth that it was understood at a completely different level. One that I cannot seem to adequately express in words. Michael Jordan thrilling fans with aerial acrobatics on the baskeball court, gifted pianists performing feats of digital prowess that I can barely imagine even as I watch, or the archer who is said to have hit the target without having aimed because it, the arrow, shoots itself: these are everyday examples of what is being pointed to in the teachings on Non-Doing.
I was never able to pass the typing course in high school because of a combination of not caring enough to practice, and a tensing under pressure which also devastated my attempts at making a foul shot under pressure. My mind could never "let go" enough to allow a natural unfolding of the fruits of rigorous practice. The ego can be a daunting adversary. Suffice it to say that over the years I have learned to type well enough to handle anything I've needed to create with a computer keyboard. Typing while simultaneously reading the words from a book however became a laborious and time consuming task. Since this has become a necessary activity today, due to sheer repetition minus the dreaded competition with clock or man, things have changed.
As I've looked for inspiring or heuristic quotes for our sangha's Thought for the Week emails, I've inadvertently improved my typing skills. Just this afternoon I read the following statement by Ray Grigg from his book The Tao of Zen:
"When non-doing appears as inaction it is peaceful, silent, and still; when it appears as action it is thoughtless, reflexive, and intuitive....This apersonal momentum is what moves the fingers of the pianist; it seems as if no one is deliberately playing the piano, as if the player has become the instrument and the music is making itself."
At the very moment I read that passage I realized that I had been aware of that exact experience while typing. Though sporadic, there are moments when I am looking at the page of the book and, without thinking about or imagining the keys of the computer, my fingers find the letters that I am seeing on the page. When I realize that it is happening however, the thought causes a disconnect and the smooth non-typing aspect of the moment is lost in a flurry of mental interference. It reminds me of the intermittent reception we used to get with a television using the old "rabbit-ears" antenna. You would have neither picture nor no-picture. It was a jumble of static and a cacophony of distorted visual images. Suffice it to say that in those moments there are many words "undone" compared to when I am able to simply allow my fingers to work through my eyes.
I am amazed that whenever I can settle into this "zone." It's as though something or someone else is doing the typing. My self-reflective consciousness must dissolve however, so that when I relax into non-doing, "nothing is left undone." Meaning nothing needs to be fixed later. The following quotations take on a new clarity.
"Real calmness should be found in activity itself." - Suzuki Roshi
and
"When an archer is shooting for nothing
He has all his skill.
If he shoots for a brass buckle
He is already nervous.
If he shoots for a prize of gold
He goes blind
Or sees two targets -- He is out of his mind!
His skill has not changed. But the prize
Divides him. He cares.
He thinks more of winning
Than of shooting --
And the need to win
Drains his power." - Chuang Tzu
For anyone interested in reading further on the connection between Zen and Taoism, I recommend Ray Grigg's book The Tao of Zen. The following excerpt is found on page 294 and adds a cogent end to this post.
"Th[e] Taoist sense of virtue shares with Zen a standing aside from self so that things are left to do themselves. Detachment from doing permits doing to arise thoughtlessly and spontaneously, without the labored self-involvement that imparts ulterior motives. Such doing, consequently, becomes something more than ordinary doing because it is allowed to happen within the flow of a larger, selfless wisdom. The highest form of doing in Taoism and Zen occurs without any interference from a deliberate or contriving self. The doing is happening but no one is doing it."
October 13, 2010
Student or Teacher
We are, at once, both student and teacher. While showing an openness to someone with divergent views, I am the student learning about a new perspective, but to an observer I am teaching the art of listening with an open mind. I am always the teacher of what "I am being" in each moment. We get hung up on the roles of student and teacher and fail to recognize that we are always occupying a position of both these processes in everything we do. Even when I am standing in front of a group explaining some arcane teaching, humility dictates that I have a responsibility to be the student of audience reactions. Otherwise I am sure to find myself lost in a cul-de-sac of hubris.
The simultaneity involved in this student/teacher process highlights our interconnectedness with whatever condition, or situation, in which we are involved. Every human situation is made up of a plethora of varying causes or conditions that constitute our life in any given moment. Whether in a conversation or simply sitting on a park bench, we can never escape our responsibility as both student and teacher.
It is in this way that we may recognize responsibility for our own karma. I am what I present to the world; and it is the condition to which others will respond. If I am feeling angry, I am that anger. My attitude, expressions, or behavior - that which I am - will teach or give birth to a response in those who come in contact with me. In this way anger or love is reborn in another, in the form appropriate to that student’s condition. Each cause (a lesson taught) is the expression of a condition (teaching) previously caused (taught and learned).
How can I even imagine that there is a boundary between being student and teacher in human society? It is a multifarious ordeal; being human. And it is for this reason that the Buddha taught that we must be the “lamp unto ourselves” and “work out our own salvation with diligence.” It takes diligent effort to recognize the nuances of how this responsibility plays out in our individual lives and those of our unsuspecting students. But it is this for which I am responsible above all else.
"Cause and effect, means and ends, seed and fruit, cannot be severed; for the effect already blooms in the cause, the end pre-exists in the means, the fruit in the seed." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
The simultaneity involved in this student/teacher process highlights our interconnectedness with whatever condition, or situation, in which we are involved. Every human situation is made up of a plethora of varying causes or conditions that constitute our life in any given moment. Whether in a conversation or simply sitting on a park bench, we can never escape our responsibility as both student and teacher.
It is in this way that we may recognize responsibility for our own karma. I am what I present to the world; and it is the condition to which others will respond. If I am feeling angry, I am that anger. My attitude, expressions, or behavior - that which I am - will teach or give birth to a response in those who come in contact with me. In this way anger or love is reborn in another, in the form appropriate to that student’s condition. Each cause (a lesson taught) is the expression of a condition (teaching) previously caused (taught and learned).
How can I even imagine that there is a boundary between being student and teacher in human society? It is a multifarious ordeal; being human. And it is for this reason that the Buddha taught that we must be the “lamp unto ourselves” and “work out our own salvation with diligence.” It takes diligent effort to recognize the nuances of how this responsibility plays out in our individual lives and those of our unsuspecting students. But it is this for which I am responsible above all else.
"Cause and effect, means and ends, seed and fruit, cannot be severed; for the effect already blooms in the cause, the end pre-exists in the means, the fruit in the seed." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
October 8, 2010
Reality and Truth: My Journey
"Truth is the understanding of what is from moment to moment without the burden or the residue of the past moment." - Krishnamurti, Commentaries on Living
Growing up I was always skeptical of what others offered as reality and certainly what they deemed as truth though I was unable to express my own perspective on these slippery subjects. However, over the years and after long and very interesting discussions with friends, I came to a clearer understanding of what these terms mean to me. Simply stated reality is the way it is. It refers to the state or condition of each and every moment as it arises. It is my experience of the present without - and this is an important point - without any corruption by judgment, interpretation, definition, comparison, or any of the other dualistic manifestations available to human consciousness.
As such, everything is reality as-it-is; the way it is before we mentally dissect it into discreet parts and make categories that separate them. As you can imagine, living one's life as though this is the truth about reality requires more than a "little bit of work."
One might ask, “So what? Why should I even stretch myself to think about such things? It all sounds like stuff for philosophers and I need concrete things to help me with my everyday living.” And this is a perfectly valid question; one that I asked many times as I put down articles and walked away from books that broached similar subjects. This post is my attempt to offer some personal truths that have emerged as tools for me to see how, contrary to my initial assumptions, these ideas, deeply explored are valuable in finding our way through the tangled skein of illusions found in everyday life. We all must find our own way of course, and for me it has been through meditation, study, and endless discussions with fellow travelers. I share it with the reader as a tease; an introduction to what I hope will be his or her own search for…..Truth, happiness, peace, contentment, or just a better way to live.
There is an endless number of far more qualified teachers, both lay and academic, to whom the reader might ultimately want to turn for long-term leadership. My intent is simply to offer my experiences, the strength that I have found along the way, and the hope it brings each day in support of my desire to become a better human being. And for this opportunity, I am truly grateful. I owe a debt of thanks to my friend Nadine who urged me to enter the 21st. century and create this blog.
Meditation stands as the foundation of my journey and while for some the lofty goal might be Enlightenment, for me the aim is to simply change through love, tolerance, compassion, and equanimity with all that life offers. A wide range of Eastern thought and meditation continues to support my search for meaning and an understanding of the world both inside and outside my body. It has been and will continue to be a journey with no end, for I am a human being biologically tethered to a limited field of possibilities. Welcome to the labyrinthine corridors of my mind.
It is the nature of human consciousness to dissect and categorize the inherent oneness of which we are part, into discrete entities so they can be processed by our senses. This process is achieved by our dualistic apprehension of sense data and as a result, we suffer. We suffer because we are continually ill-at-ease with the changing nature of our world, be it physically, emotionally, or psychologically. We are always in a struggle with the nature of an ever-changing and therefore ambiguous, tentative, and frightening universe both in and outside our bodies. However, this existential dis-ease is not really due to the nature of a changing universe - it results from our perspective or posture in relation to it.
As I’ve said, Truth or reality is for me, the present-as-it-is before the neuro-chemical nature of our bodies deconstruct it into manageable parts - and at the same time it is also our present-moment after it has been deconstructed. I suggest that there does exist a oneness or undifferentiated whole, as well as a dualistic world which we perceive through our senses. Just as the distant planet when seen through a telescope is bright and clear yet when we search for it with the naked eye, all we find is another patch of darkness; a void....though illusory. Regardless of which “truth” we are in touch with in any moment, it is the truth nonetheless, because it is true for us, as it is, in that moment – dualistic or One.
All thoughts and ideas are merely illusions created by our dualistic mental processes. They are illusions in the sense that there is no separate, identifiable essence inherent in them. They are merely “fingers pointing to the moon” – thoughts or ideas that represent discreet parts of one, magnificent, on-going process. A process we see represented in our world by a coming and going, birth and death.
Each day, minute, or second, the mind creates abstractions from sensory data culled out from the one ongoing present moment. When I was able to recognize this process as a fact, verification seemed to arise everywhere. Clarity flashed onto the scene at a friend’s house in Lakewood, Ohio. I was sitting quietly reading a book, the subject matter now far from recollection, and it burst upon me like a meteor. I remember yelling to my friend in the kitchen, “Oh my God I understand it!” This was one of those ideas I just hadn’t been able to get my head around and had put it in storage. “Hey, I’ve got it,” I yelled again, “there is just this moment - Now is all there is.” My friend was less than impressed with the exhuberance or my insight. But I was ecstatic and tossed the idea around for hours, looking at it from all directions and thrilled as a child at Christmas. From that “Aha” I was renewed in my belief that answers would come if I could just be patient and continue to walk my path.
And then years later, I was again primed for an insight. It was New Years Eve as I recall, and if I hadn’t turned on my computer I wouldn’t have realized it. I was living at a meditation center in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. I had little contact with worldly events for a number of months, save for a periodic email from friends. I was learning first hand how comforting it can be to just stay focused on the present versus the mental cacophony born of the world at large.
In a rare excursion into Internet news, I read where President Ford had been laid to rest and it prompted thought once again about how life is but a continuous oneness. That it's the function our mind which creates, as Einstein said, the "optical illusion of separateness" and while it may seem as though there will always be time to create things, to do things, or go places, the fact is - we are in the future now.
I realized with a new clarity that there will come a moment when I come face to face with death, when my time has really come to an end, and all options are exhausted. When this moment arrives (and this is a bit of a misnomer because it is not the moment that arrives, but rather a situation or set of circumstances that arises as the present moment), I will look back on what are recalled as previous moments, and recognize that there is not, actually, the distance between now and then that I had imagined. Every present moment, although seemingly separated from the previous one by some imaginary expression of time, actually cradles my entire life, beginning to end. There are no starting and stopping points in this present oneness. It's awe inspiring when recognized at our deepest level - I am but awareness. Or if one prefers, consciousness is at once me and, at the very same moment, that process by which this “I” is created, extracted, out of the vast ocean of is-ness.
With the help of science, and a meditation practice, one can begin to see that boundaries are assumed to be present simply because we are unable to have a sensory experience of our actual connection to this Oneness. For instance, our ability to hear sounds or see colors is limited to a small number of wavelengths by our biology. Our bodies are biologically wired to work within specific parameters. Beyond these parameters, dictated by nature, we are unable to sense the fullness of data available. Rather than there being an end to color when we no longer see it, we have found that there are wavelengths we are just unable to process. We are unable to function at a multitude of sensory levels, and therefore have the illusion of a static boundary and so it appears there are actual, solid barriers, or boundaries between us and the rest of the world. We live our lives through this illusion of separateness. However, we do have the capacity to recognize our error (root of our suffering is after all - Ignorance) and we have the ability to transcend this limitation.
To transcend is not to make this illusion go away, but to live in harmony with it. By recognizing my inability to process all the information available, I will not put an end to suffering in the world, and it will not make life easy by removing obstacles or painful times. But it does allow me to recognize that whatever this moment holds, it is not exactly as it is perceived. And since I can never be aware of the "whole picture" it is an indication that it is likely that “the world is unfolding as it should.” (Desiderata, Max Ehrman, 1927).
I used to grapple with this idea, as though once attained it would shelter me from anxiety and stress; as though something would miraculously fall into place and all would be simplified. However I now see that this awareness is but a tool. A point of leverage allowing me to overturn the heavy burden of fear, disappointment, regret, and all manner of dissatisfaction that reside in my attachment to time and circumstance. It is then up to me to learn to accept life as it comes and not interpret whatever is happening, as somehow interfering with my life. This is my life - just as it is - now!.
One day, while pondering the notion of a timeless present, an incident came to mind that frames a recurring pattern in my thinking over the years. I was forever imagining scenarios in which I was the hero. Whether I was on the football field scoring touchdowns, winning the high school state basketball championship in the final seconds, or writing the novel that would catapult me ahead of Hemmingway as an icon of American literature. And while somewhat adolescent, these desires are not far off the norm and probably quite achievable for more of us than we imagine……… if we are willing to pay the price to achieve them.
It was after we had graduated from high school and a friend had joined the Air Force. His father was a commercial pilot and my friend loved everything about flying. We were close during those tumultuous high school years of male competition over everything from girls to who was the toughest. One spring when the annual carnival came to town he played a marching-song for our male bravado and foolishly, I allowed myself to be talked into going on a ride called The Bullet. It consisted of two bullet shaped, caged, seats that spun the riders laterally, and if that weren’t enough, these spinning bullets where attached to a long arm that fired them in a head-over-heels fashion at the same time. He loved it. I could hear him laughing and calling to me to join him in his revelry. I was petrified beyond explanation and if I had had the strength in my hands, my death grip on the bar in front of me would have been broken it in two. And years later, had he lived through the Air Force training mission in which his jet plane crashed into a ball of flames, it would have been one of the stories we repeated over and over at class reunions until others refused to listen.
When I attended his funeral I was struck by the realization that he lived every minute of his short life with an energy and focus about which I knew nothing. And while at that time I didn’t have the ability to put it into words, forty years later I recognized that what he had and I did not, was the understanding that if you want something tomorrow you have to do more than imagine it today. Every dream or project he put his mind to, he worked for in the present, while I stood on the sidelines imagining what the game might be like. He was an active participant in his life and achieved many more dreams than I in the time he was allotted.
Somehow I always assumed there would be time to do what I wanted to do..... in the future. Today I am able to see just how mistaken a notion that was. Through meditative self-inquiry and stretching, reaching, for my own understanding of life, I recognize that the notion of discreet units of time is a construction of my thinking. It’s helpful and necessary in many ways, yet false beyond that window to the world within my mind. In the material world it helps to plan, create time-lines to assist in the accomplishment of goals and to mark progress. But in the realm of the spirit or in moral development it has become clear that if I want to be something tomorrow, I must be it today. For tomorrow never comes; it is always just this moment; here, now. The notion of time leads me astray. If I desire to be loving or kind in some future time and place, it is kindness and love I must embody today. And so it is with all that I wish to be.
The one certainty, one Truth in life is change. The moments, hours, and years that we call our life is the stage upon which we, like Shakespearean actors, play out our part with the deluded certainty that our personal life and loves are special. That the suffering and betrayal we experience is somehow different than that experienced by all human beings….and this is simply not so. In the memorable words of Joseph Campbell;
“Fill circle, from the womb of the tomb to the tomb of the womb we came; an ambiguous enigmatical incursion into a world of solid matter that is soon to melt from us like the substance of a dream. And looking back at what promised to be our unique, unpredictable, and dangerous adventure, all we find in the end is such a series of standard metamorphoses as men and women have undergone in every quarter of the world, in all recorded centuries, and under every odd disguise of civilization.” - The Hero With a Thousand Faces.
Growing up I was always skeptical of what others offered as reality and certainly what they deemed as truth though I was unable to express my own perspective on these slippery subjects. However, over the years and after long and very interesting discussions with friends, I came to a clearer understanding of what these terms mean to me. Simply stated reality is the way it is. It refers to the state or condition of each and every moment as it arises. It is my experience of the present without - and this is an important point - without any corruption by judgment, interpretation, definition, comparison, or any of the other dualistic manifestations available to human consciousness.
As such, everything is reality as-it-is; the way it is before we mentally dissect it into discreet parts and make categories that separate them. As you can imagine, living one's life as though this is the truth about reality requires more than a "little bit of work."
One might ask, “So what? Why should I even stretch myself to think about such things? It all sounds like stuff for philosophers and I need concrete things to help me with my everyday living.” And this is a perfectly valid question; one that I asked many times as I put down articles and walked away from books that broached similar subjects. This post is my attempt to offer some personal truths that have emerged as tools for me to see how, contrary to my initial assumptions, these ideas, deeply explored are valuable in finding our way through the tangled skein of illusions found in everyday life. We all must find our own way of course, and for me it has been through meditation, study, and endless discussions with fellow travelers. I share it with the reader as a tease; an introduction to what I hope will be his or her own search for…..Truth, happiness, peace, contentment, or just a better way to live.
There is an endless number of far more qualified teachers, both lay and academic, to whom the reader might ultimately want to turn for long-term leadership. My intent is simply to offer my experiences, the strength that I have found along the way, and the hope it brings each day in support of my desire to become a better human being. And for this opportunity, I am truly grateful. I owe a debt of thanks to my friend Nadine who urged me to enter the 21st. century and create this blog.
Meditation stands as the foundation of my journey and while for some the lofty goal might be Enlightenment, for me the aim is to simply change through love, tolerance, compassion, and equanimity with all that life offers. A wide range of Eastern thought and meditation continues to support my search for meaning and an understanding of the world both inside and outside my body. It has been and will continue to be a journey with no end, for I am a human being biologically tethered to a limited field of possibilities. Welcome to the labyrinthine corridors of my mind.
It is the nature of human consciousness to dissect and categorize the inherent oneness of which we are part, into discrete entities so they can be processed by our senses. This process is achieved by our dualistic apprehension of sense data and as a result, we suffer. We suffer because we are continually ill-at-ease with the changing nature of our world, be it physically, emotionally, or psychologically. We are always in a struggle with the nature of an ever-changing and therefore ambiguous, tentative, and frightening universe both in and outside our bodies. However, this existential dis-ease is not really due to the nature of a changing universe - it results from our perspective or posture in relation to it.
As I’ve said, Truth or reality is for me, the present-as-it-is before the neuro-chemical nature of our bodies deconstruct it into manageable parts - and at the same time it is also our present-moment after it has been deconstructed. I suggest that there does exist a oneness or undifferentiated whole, as well as a dualistic world which we perceive through our senses. Just as the distant planet when seen through a telescope is bright and clear yet when we search for it with the naked eye, all we find is another patch of darkness; a void....though illusory. Regardless of which “truth” we are in touch with in any moment, it is the truth nonetheless, because it is true for us, as it is, in that moment – dualistic or One.
All thoughts and ideas are merely illusions created by our dualistic mental processes. They are illusions in the sense that there is no separate, identifiable essence inherent in them. They are merely “fingers pointing to the moon” – thoughts or ideas that represent discreet parts of one, magnificent, on-going process. A process we see represented in our world by a coming and going, birth and death.
Each day, minute, or second, the mind creates abstractions from sensory data culled out from the one ongoing present moment. When I was able to recognize this process as a fact, verification seemed to arise everywhere. Clarity flashed onto the scene at a friend’s house in Lakewood, Ohio. I was sitting quietly reading a book, the subject matter now far from recollection, and it burst upon me like a meteor. I remember yelling to my friend in the kitchen, “Oh my God I understand it!” This was one of those ideas I just hadn’t been able to get my head around and had put it in storage. “Hey, I’ve got it,” I yelled again, “there is just this moment - Now is all there is.” My friend was less than impressed with the exhuberance or my insight. But I was ecstatic and tossed the idea around for hours, looking at it from all directions and thrilled as a child at Christmas. From that “Aha” I was renewed in my belief that answers would come if I could just be patient and continue to walk my path.
And then years later, I was again primed for an insight. It was New Years Eve as I recall, and if I hadn’t turned on my computer I wouldn’t have realized it. I was living at a meditation center in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. I had little contact with worldly events for a number of months, save for a periodic email from friends. I was learning first hand how comforting it can be to just stay focused on the present versus the mental cacophony born of the world at large.
In a rare excursion into Internet news, I read where President Ford had been laid to rest and it prompted thought once again about how life is but a continuous oneness. That it's the function our mind which creates, as Einstein said, the "optical illusion of separateness" and while it may seem as though there will always be time to create things, to do things, or go places, the fact is - we are in the future now.
I realized with a new clarity that there will come a moment when I come face to face with death, when my time has really come to an end, and all options are exhausted. When this moment arrives (and this is a bit of a misnomer because it is not the moment that arrives, but rather a situation or set of circumstances that arises as the present moment), I will look back on what are recalled as previous moments, and recognize that there is not, actually, the distance between now and then that I had imagined. Every present moment, although seemingly separated from the previous one by some imaginary expression of time, actually cradles my entire life, beginning to end. There are no starting and stopping points in this present oneness. It's awe inspiring when recognized at our deepest level - I am but awareness. Or if one prefers, consciousness is at once me and, at the very same moment, that process by which this “I” is created, extracted, out of the vast ocean of is-ness.
With the help of science, and a meditation practice, one can begin to see that boundaries are assumed to be present simply because we are unable to have a sensory experience of our actual connection to this Oneness. For instance, our ability to hear sounds or see colors is limited to a small number of wavelengths by our biology. Our bodies are biologically wired to work within specific parameters. Beyond these parameters, dictated by nature, we are unable to sense the fullness of data available. Rather than there being an end to color when we no longer see it, we have found that there are wavelengths we are just unable to process. We are unable to function at a multitude of sensory levels, and therefore have the illusion of a static boundary and so it appears there are actual, solid barriers, or boundaries between us and the rest of the world. We live our lives through this illusion of separateness. However, we do have the capacity to recognize our error (root of our suffering is after all - Ignorance) and we have the ability to transcend this limitation.
To transcend is not to make this illusion go away, but to live in harmony with it. By recognizing my inability to process all the information available, I will not put an end to suffering in the world, and it will not make life easy by removing obstacles or painful times. But it does allow me to recognize that whatever this moment holds, it is not exactly as it is perceived. And since I can never be aware of the "whole picture" it is an indication that it is likely that “the world is unfolding as it should.” (Desiderata, Max Ehrman, 1927).
I used to grapple with this idea, as though once attained it would shelter me from anxiety and stress; as though something would miraculously fall into place and all would be simplified. However I now see that this awareness is but a tool. A point of leverage allowing me to overturn the heavy burden of fear, disappointment, regret, and all manner of dissatisfaction that reside in my attachment to time and circumstance. It is then up to me to learn to accept life as it comes and not interpret whatever is happening, as somehow interfering with my life. This is my life - just as it is - now!.
One day, while pondering the notion of a timeless present, an incident came to mind that frames a recurring pattern in my thinking over the years. I was forever imagining scenarios in which I was the hero. Whether I was on the football field scoring touchdowns, winning the high school state basketball championship in the final seconds, or writing the novel that would catapult me ahead of Hemmingway as an icon of American literature. And while somewhat adolescent, these desires are not far off the norm and probably quite achievable for more of us than we imagine……… if we are willing to pay the price to achieve them.
It was after we had graduated from high school and a friend had joined the Air Force. His father was a commercial pilot and my friend loved everything about flying. We were close during those tumultuous high school years of male competition over everything from girls to who was the toughest. One spring when the annual carnival came to town he played a marching-song for our male bravado and foolishly, I allowed myself to be talked into going on a ride called The Bullet. It consisted of two bullet shaped, caged, seats that spun the riders laterally, and if that weren’t enough, these spinning bullets where attached to a long arm that fired them in a head-over-heels fashion at the same time. He loved it. I could hear him laughing and calling to me to join him in his revelry. I was petrified beyond explanation and if I had had the strength in my hands, my death grip on the bar in front of me would have been broken it in two. And years later, had he lived through the Air Force training mission in which his jet plane crashed into a ball of flames, it would have been one of the stories we repeated over and over at class reunions until others refused to listen.
When I attended his funeral I was struck by the realization that he lived every minute of his short life with an energy and focus about which I knew nothing. And while at that time I didn’t have the ability to put it into words, forty years later I recognized that what he had and I did not, was the understanding that if you want something tomorrow you have to do more than imagine it today. Every dream or project he put his mind to, he worked for in the present, while I stood on the sidelines imagining what the game might be like. He was an active participant in his life and achieved many more dreams than I in the time he was allotted.
Somehow I always assumed there would be time to do what I wanted to do..... in the future. Today I am able to see just how mistaken a notion that was. Through meditative self-inquiry and stretching, reaching, for my own understanding of life, I recognize that the notion of discreet units of time is a construction of my thinking. It’s helpful and necessary in many ways, yet false beyond that window to the world within my mind. In the material world it helps to plan, create time-lines to assist in the accomplishment of goals and to mark progress. But in the realm of the spirit or in moral development it has become clear that if I want to be something tomorrow, I must be it today. For tomorrow never comes; it is always just this moment; here, now. The notion of time leads me astray. If I desire to be loving or kind in some future time and place, it is kindness and love I must embody today. And so it is with all that I wish to be.
The one certainty, one Truth in life is change. The moments, hours, and years that we call our life is the stage upon which we, like Shakespearean actors, play out our part with the deluded certainty that our personal life and loves are special. That the suffering and betrayal we experience is somehow different than that experienced by all human beings….and this is simply not so. In the memorable words of Joseph Campbell;
“Fill circle, from the womb of the tomb to the tomb of the womb we came; an ambiguous enigmatical incursion into a world of solid matter that is soon to melt from us like the substance of a dream. And looking back at what promised to be our unique, unpredictable, and dangerous adventure, all we find in the end is such a series of standard metamorphoses as men and women have undergone in every quarter of the world, in all recorded centuries, and under every odd disguise of civilization.” - The Hero With a Thousand Faces.
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