When Does One Arrive?

      I think it goes without saying, though it can be helpful to others if we do, that "understanding" and "experiential insight" are two not one. For some time I’ve realized on an intellectual level that my frustration with noises during meditation is a result of increasing my attachment to this simple experiential moment through internal dialogue, often in the form of judgment or criticism.
      Early on in my practice it became clear - following one thought into an ever-moving train of them would lead me into continued unrest. But something was missing though I didn't see it then. While I was able to let go of thoughts that originated in my head, it seemed that I would often be confounded by outside noises, particularly if they were the result of a breach of what I determined was the proper etiquette during the meditation period. Isn't it amazing how some Klesha's are more stubborn than others? This certainly tends to side with the notion that Enlightenment is a gradual process.
      One evening I experienced - differently - this oft repeated act of "letting go." Just another example of the small epiphanies that can accompany dedication to a meditation practice. I simply dropped the dialogue about the shuffling noises created by the entrance of a late-comer. Nothing really new; just an old strategy known but never well executed.
      It became so obvious that by dropping the internal dialogue, and not fiercely holding on to the moment now past, I was liberated in another small but significant way. I not only wasn’t bothered by it at that moment, but I didn’t embellish it and thereby extend my judments into the next. Just by stopping the verbal embellishment in my head, all that will occur is the moment; simply passing.
      Whether my internal dialogue on this kind of thing was the result of a need to feel superior by being judgmental, or just a well worn rut of habit energy is of little significance. What is significant is that a healthy meditation practice consists of (to borrow Philip Kapleau's terms from The Three Pillars of Zen) Great Perseverance grounded in a Great Faith in the efficacy of the process, and Great Doubt when one believes that they have finally arrived.